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Out of Order

My intention when creating a blog was to share this unique and personal journey with you in real time. Unfortunately, there was something not considered when making that pledge…sustained periods of significant pain, nausea and exhaustion. Officially, my body is out of order. So too are my thoughts and activities. Unanticipated times like these leave me unable to even consider writing something interesting, no mind coherent.

I started the new year and my second round of infusion on January 4 with a double dose of chemo. Unexpectedly, the side effects continued up to session 2 on January 11. No break this time. Which meant no strength or stream of brainpower to create blog posts.

Treatment requires blood work the day prior to chemo to ensure sufficient white blood cells are available to begin the process. We learned that the January 4 infusion reduced my white count below the safe range. But it was close, so rather than delay treatment, my oncologist elected to prescribe a post-chemo treatment. This treatment consisted of 5 daily injections of a medication which interacts with the body’s bone marrow to produce white blood cells. This is important as those extra white blood cells help fight infection and allow me to stay on schedule with chemo.

Regrettably, this medication also brings its own group of side effects. Among those experienced included a cumulative bone and muscle pain in the back, ribs, arms, hips, knees and legs. After Sunday’s final injection, the pain rose significantly; so much so that it broke through the maximum doses of both Morphine and Percocet. That evening, with several hours left before my next dose I prayed like never before; begging God in His infinite mercy to carry me through the night. As always, He responded. Like a miracle, difficult to describe, His loving hand helped me endure the worst pain yet. Now, thanks be to God, the most difficult side-effects of this medication are behind me.

I had hoped to enjoy a few days reprieve following both the January 4 and 11 treatments. I planned to write a few blog posts and to stay in touch. Well, you probably know the saying… “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” No, I didn’t get what I had hoped for. As usual, He gave me something better; an affirmation of his love and mercy and a confirmation that He remains always with me.

By the way, it’s not only my body that is out of order. Used in a different syntax, my blog posts will now be out of order. Just before the pain from the injections began I managed to write an update on my condition based on a PET scan. I think it makes more sense to post this and then that.

I’d like to close with a thought recently shared by one of my sibs… “There’s only one way to experience an abiding peace that transcends circumstances – by faith.” I know this, as I am living proof.

Jesus, I trust in you. Help me trust you more.

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